and that's what love is

Ten years ago today a tiny, somewhat fragile, little baby girl joined our family.

It had been a long wait and after 2 years we switched to the special needs list. Our agency had called and suggested it and we knew it was time to take a second look. As I listened to Elizabeth Rose talk I knew she wasnt waiting for the list of children but that she had the babies information right in front of her. She rattled, off a few conditions, cleft palate, thalassemia....no and nope and then she said, how about heart conditions and I said yes.

We have a little girl, she is 9 months old and she has PDA, she said. No sooner were the words out of her mouth I was on google. As I was reading about it she said, from what I can see it isn't a really serious heart condition as heart conditions go. I just said send her and she did and today is the day that, that conversation became a reality.

I could still tell you every moment of that day with glaring clarity.  It was one of the best days of my life.

We took the bus from our hotel to the Civil Affairs Office. It was cold and I was nervous.  Lily was so excited and Andie was as nervous as I. Hah.

There was no time to be nervous as the babies were being brought into the room. One by one the babies were handed to their families. Just. Like. That. Their worlds went topsy turvy and Rosie made it perfectly clear she wasn't happy about it. But I was happy, over the moon happy I knew it would be ok, I knew we would work it all out and this little family would get it all on track.

How am I going to stop you crying little one

2 babies, I have 2 babies

Civil affairs office

all those clothes

Later, much MUCH later, that day Rosie calmed down a little. She did not however allow for the removal of the eleventy billion layers of clothes she was wearing. I managed to get her undressed eventually but she clung to all her clothes as if her life depended on it. When she finally went to sleep she was still clutching them. So sad. Once she was fast asleep I removed them from her crib and carefully packed them away, they are after all the only remnants that she has of her life in China, one tiny little outfit was the sum total of her wordly possessions.

sweet dreams little one. You have my heart.

Ten years later she has left the little scared person in the shadows. She is one of the most loving children I know and the most loyal friend a person can have. She is an athlete, a great student, she is spirited and has a fabulous sense of humour. She ALWAYS roots for the under dog and wants nothing more than the love of her family. Kidlet, the first time I saw your face, I knew you were mine and I was ready to fight to make it happen. I will always be in your corner and fight with you and for you. Never forget, I love you more.

the day my little world was changed

I'm not sure why but in both of my adoptions I have had to wait until the afternoon to meet my child. We spent the morning walking about, killing time, giving Lily cards from nannie and Grandpa that that Andie bought with her and had stashed in her case. Lily strutted about with a badge that said, I'm the big sister.

Breakfast for the last time as the mum to one

Andies last few hours of being Andie, she became Annie

One of the many fabulous statues on Shamian Island

ditto

lunch and then, go time.

And so in a cold cold room in Ghangzhou, China we sat and watched another couple, the only other people around, try to console their new daughter. The adamant no's, the cries, the general terror that the kids feel as they are being given to someone they have never met when suddenly their was hustle and bustle. The babies had arrived. For a few seconds I chanted over and over again in my head, let her be ok, let her be ok. Adopting special needs you never know if the medical information is correct and I just needed her to be OK.

Babies were handed off to other families and finally it was our turn. A tiny very very bundled up, shaved square headed absolutely gorgeous, dressed in an outer layer of yellow corduroy, very unsure and becoming increasingly alarmed  Qi Min was handed to her family forever. I was the last to hold her and as I took her in my arms, she screamed. She cried with the knowing of an adult who's life has just been shaken to the core. She frantically looked for anyone she knew but they were gone. I cried because as much as I longed for her, and loved her dearly I felt her fear and pain. Lily was able to get her to calm down for a second but then the heartbroken sobbing began again and again and again.

Those first moments

let me touch my baby sister

wishing I could take away the hurt

sisters

I think Lily is amazed at how loud she is? 

"MY" girls

Amidst the screaming and crying and her heart break she looked at me and said, Mama. I loved  this girl fiercely and didn't know at the time how much she would love me in return. Some people don't feel the love for their children immediately, I am not one. I have loved them before I have seen them and that love has merely grown 1000fold when I hold them for the first time.  I vowed in my head to make it ok, to stop that crying and to fix that heart.


It took hours of crying until she calmed down. We had the screamer in the group. When I tried to undress her for bed she wouldn't have it so I let her keep all her grungy, holey, stained clothes in her bed with her. As I took off the final layer I noticed the bump in her sternum, the bone wasn't flat it was raised in the middle. I looked at Andie and we exchanged, "a look". Was this caused by her heart? A heart that was much worse then described in her medical, was it so large it was pushing against the bones causing them to bend around it? Andie had seen it before but couldn't remember much about it, I wonder now if that was the truth or if she didn't want to concern me.

Her first night was hard, we snuggled but she sobbed every now and again, a big heart breaking sob. The child had some of the biggest saddest tears I have ever seen. They fell in puddles. Lily adored her sister and fed her for the first time. It didn't go well Rosie only wanted me. And so it began.

To my darling Pickle
I knew before I even saw you how much I loved you. The moment I saw you, that love was solidified. You took a little longer to warm up. At first I was your wingman, I made you feel better, safe-ish and cared for. I handled your needs and I was starting to be your, "go to" person but you kept me at a distance. It was many months before you let down your guard, it was following your surgery and then you let me in and loved in return. Now your love is undeniable. To be loved by a child like you is quite an honor. You love like it is going to be gone at any moment. You never miss a hug, kiss or cuddle. You call my name just to check I am within a safe distance, you check on me constantly. It's no longer a needy love but a reassuring one. You truly need me and to some it would be suffocating but I have learnt how to manage it. I see a complete difference in you when you notice me. You become calm, all is right in your world. Little Pickle, I love you with all my heart. I am so thankful that the government of China decided I should be your mummy. Your family loves you and will always love you. You will always have someone that fights for you and as is as loyal as a junkyard dog in your corner.
That terrified little baby is gone and has and is slowly being replaced by someone strong and confident.
Thank you Rosie for allowing me in.
I love you.

almost there

This was a long and tough day. We had no booked tours and no plans at all, until we had to the airport to fly south to Guangzhou. We walked around and took a few back alleys to see things previously hidden from us.WE basically just wished the morning away so that we could get on our way and rumour had it that Guangzhou was about 20 degrees warmer.

Those wires look a little dodgy 

Funky little moped

and another

our hotel

Lily being eaten by a lion at the tea house

And how exactly does one do that?

Clean water is valuable in China, I agree! Must be why it is kept in a cage

OMG, Lilipop is teeny

Finally it was time to take off and get so much closer to the Pickle. The wait of 2+ years was almost over. of course 2+ years is nothing, I have friends who have been waiting for 7. But back then it was a hellishly long time and would have been exactly 36 had we not switched to SN and found Pickle.

more Beijing

Our time in Beijing was almost over and I had very mixed feelings about it. But all those feelings had to be put on the back burner as we had the Temple of Heaven to see. This was our last full day in Beijing, tomorrow lunchtime we would head to Guangzhou and the Pickle herself.

By now the temperatures were way below freezing and we Floridians were chilly....that just might be the understatement of the century. One thing that was so disappointing is that it was slated to snow the day after we left. It snowed in Paris, the day after we left too.

I am sure the Temple of heaven was incredible but honestly I was so damned cold I couldn't have cared less plus the sound of my chatting teeth blocked out the voice of Jade, our guide. I was also concerned about Lily freezing to death. At one point the only visible part of her was her eyeballs.

It truly couldn't be anywhere else in the world. That little building was filled by a massive gold Buddha

Lily and Jack, Jack was also waiting to get his baby sister. These 2 became fast friends.

Lily with Jade, our guide.

Man of Chicken. When you look up at the top of the buildings there was always a man on a chicken. Legend has it that there was one to many people to do a job and one man wasn't very sparky and to keep him out of trouble he was always given the job of watching the chicken. Such nonsense but it made me laugh.

Clearly the smog is not something that is more than just a rumor. The smog in Beijing swallows entire city blocks.

The architecture is amazing.

I have no idea what this was because I was only half joking about the chattering teeth. But I think it should be called the Cupcake!

That evening we headed out and about and decided, at least I believe the others in the group did, that we really cannot be in Beijing and not visit the night market. The smell was like nothing I have ever encountered before and what with this being my second trip to China I think I have some authority on smell. LOL, especially weird, freaky, tummy turning ones. Our trip was cut short when the extremely gentle stomach of the only make in our group couldn't take the sights and smells anymore and got rather ill. For once I was quite thankful for his wimpy-ness.

top left: snake
Bottom left: grub
bottom right: some freaky sea creature

Oh yummy, said no one ever!!
Bugs and critters.

Starfish, centipedes and other delicacies. I apparently lost or deleted the photos of all the penises
The whole place reeked.

And so ended another cold day in Beijing. We headed back to the hotel which although in the thick of things was fabulous and once again ordered room serive. I packed and we got ready to leave the next day.

greatness

China has a part of my heart. Each time I step on a plane to leave with one of her daughters, a piece of my heart stays behind. Although there are many things that my Western brain cannot fathom, and my western eyes don't want to see there is much much more that I drink up with a thirst hard to quench. China is an ancient land of many peculiar rituals and traits. When so many parts of the world are all starting to blend together and many big cities are so very much alike, China remains distinct in it's differences. The shape of the buildings, the millions of dark haired people, the colour red, everywhere, the language, the hustle and bustle in the cities. the lay of the land. China is awesome and filled with greatness and the greatest part of all, is the Wall.

We were all pretty excited knowing that we were going to walk the Wall and it was hard to be patient as it didn't happen first thing when we arrived. The day finally arrived and we boarded the bus for Ju Yong Pass. I remember feeling a little frustrated when I found out we were going to a jade factory and to the Olympic village before finally getting to the wall. As it turned out we drove passed the Olympic Village as it was nowhere close to completion. We were told how people were told to, "leave now" their apartments so that they could be bulldozed and a brand new interstates built in their place. Some building looked new and clean but it turns out it was a facade and if you looked back in to the complex you could see the other run down buildings that had  not been touched but you really had to look for them. Mind boggling.

The Jade factory was, meh but we bought a couple of things for the girls. I found a sign that made me giggle.

The literal translations make me giggle

And it wasn't just the jade factory the Great Wall offered some pretty funny signage too.

Clear as mud, these signs.

We first started to spot parts of the wall from the bus and it was truly amazing. One thing I didn't expect was the tourist crap that was everywhere. Sadly most of the stuff for sale at these places was all for the Olympics and not the stuff you would hope to find.

It looks so western.

part of the wall

Clearly this photo is out of order as this was our first glimpse from the bus.

Lily

Cousin Andie and some fabulously fit old chap'

One of my favourite photos of all time.

I'm ready, lets go

Lily holding our family lock. Once you lock the padlock on to the wall your family will remain intact for ever. sadly even back then I knew my marriage was pants so it's no surprise it didn't work. Add to that the fact that you are meant to toss you key over the wall and we forgot, we were doomed!

Lily was hellbent on getting to the top. Due to all the other gallivanting we had done we didn't have much time there so we had to hurry. The ex wimped out first, sighting a bad everything, next was Andie with her bum knee so that left me to keep up with the oh so agile Lilipop. We made it to the ninth level and were joined again by Andie who refused to be beaten by a 5 yr old. If nothing else, we Minneys are stubborn. It was a day like no other that I have ever had. I have promised the girls we will go back and do it again but this time we will make it to the top. As the day day drew to a close I was one day closer to the Pickle.

getting closer to Ro

After 2 rather long travel days  and a very long day of killing time in Paris with a man that refused to leave the airport we finally arrived at Shanghai airport and had only a short amount of time to meet our connecting flight to Beijing. The customs area was jam packed and we slowly inched our way towards an inspector with time ticking furiously away. We got the inspector from hell. Every single question known to man: why are you here if you are going to Beijing? Why have you been to China before? ( uh Sparky do you not see our daughter?) Why are you going to Guangzhou? I don't recall what I said but I remember pulling our itinerary out of my bag and showing her and she just said, Oh, and stamped us in. By this time the customs area was EMPTY, honestly. It was a ghost town and we had to run to try and get to the gate for our next flight. As we headed towards, baggage claim, we saw only one elderly couple, again the place was deserted and then to our horror we realized the elderly coople were walking away with our luggage loaded on their cart. We accosted  talked to them in hand and arm gestures and retrieved our luggage and continued on at warped speed.

Our luggage cart was piled so high and we put Lily on top of it, told her to hang on and ran. Thankfully from her vantage point she could see where we were going and was able to spot the gate number before us. The airport was packed. Once we arrived at the gate no one was there, at all. We decided to walk through as it was our only chance of getting on the flight, or getting thrown in jail. Someone met us and ran us to the train. Now we had to take a train. Oh well we made it.

There were loads of soldiers on the train and an old lady (clothing police) who chastised me for the fact that in the frigid temperatures Lily was not wearing a jacket. (she had just taken it off because due to all the excitement and running she was sweating.)  As we were riding the train a 5 star general from the red army, who was flanked by his inferiors, summoned Lily to sit on his lap. It really really bothered me. Bizarre thoughts ran through my head, what if he is Chester Chester child molester, what is he decides to keep her, all these stupid thoughts. Obviously nothing happened and we made it on the connecting flight to Beijing.

Finally the last leg of that journey. We landed in Beijing just minutes before Andie arrived from England. Our guide, Jade, swooped us into a bus and then just as her and I were about to go look for Andie, she appeared. And with that Lily fell fast asleep and we made our way to the Novatel Peace Hotel.

We layed low for a couple of hours and then decided to head out and find some dinner. We lasted about 20 minutes in the cold cold temperatures and headed back o the room to order room service. 2008 had the coldest winter in over 100 yrs and we were lucky enough to be there then. We would see snow for sure.

Zonked. It must have been a long couple of days her socks were black and she had a complete costume change in Paris,

We had only been there a couple of hours and already the locals were showing up for photos with the weird looking people. 

Beijing was brightly decorated for not only Chinese New year but also the upcoming Olympics. Such a great time to travel.

I am so glad I have such an amazing memory as none of this stuff was written down in the original post.

on this day

Seven years ago today we were up very very early and headed out to  Miami International Airport ready to start another life changing trip. In tow was one very very excited 5 yr old.

Out flight from Miami to Chicago was meant to leave at 6, we boarded the plane and their we sat for an hour until that flight was put out of service. WAHHH. Due to the long delay we would have missed our connection in Chicago for Shanghai so we were in a spot of bother. I spoke to the airline employee, even though the other adult in the household worked for that airline, he was way to stressed to deal with it so I got everything back on track and we headed home again, a little deflated.

Twelve hours later we headed back to the airport and boarded a plane for Paris. Not the most direct route to China but one that I truly recommend as all the flights are so much shorter.

Finally we were on our way to this little person.

This photo reminded me of something: in all the photos we had and in the videos we received we never saw Rosies fist open on one hand and were not sure if it was stuck in a fist.

and after many, many hours of travelling the other one looked a little beat.

Are we there yet?

Join me again in a couple of days as I revisit Shanghai, Beijing and Guangzhou.