the day my little world was changed

I'm not sure why but in both of my adoptions I have had to wait until the afternoon to meet my child. We spent the morning walking about, killing time, giving Lily cards from nannie and Grandpa that that Andie bought with her and had stashed in her case. Lily strutted about with a badge that said, I'm the big sister.

Breakfast for the last time as the mum to one

Andies last few hours of being Andie, she became Annie

One of the many fabulous statues on Shamian Island

ditto

lunch and then, go time.

And so in a cold cold room in Ghangzhou, China we sat and watched another couple, the only other people around, try to console their new daughter. The adamant no's, the cries, the general terror that the kids feel as they are being given to someone they have never met when suddenly their was hustle and bustle. The babies had arrived. For a few seconds I chanted over and over again in my head, let her be ok, let her be ok. Adopting special needs you never know if the medical information is correct and I just needed her to be OK.

Babies were handed off to other families and finally it was our turn. A tiny very very bundled up, shaved square headed absolutely gorgeous, dressed in an outer layer of yellow corduroy, very unsure and becoming increasingly alarmed  Qi Min was handed to her family forever. I was the last to hold her and as I took her in my arms, she screamed. She cried with the knowing of an adult who's life has just been shaken to the core. She frantically looked for anyone she knew but they were gone. I cried because as much as I longed for her, and loved her dearly I felt her fear and pain. Lily was able to get her to calm down for a second but then the heartbroken sobbing began again and again and again.

Those first moments

let me touch my baby sister

wishing I could take away the hurt

sisters

I think Lily is amazed at how loud she is? 

"MY" girls

Amidst the screaming and crying and her heart break she looked at me and said, Mama. I loved  this girl fiercely and didn't know at the time how much she would love me in return. Some people don't feel the love for their children immediately, I am not one. I have loved them before I have seen them and that love has merely grown 1000fold when I hold them for the first time.  I vowed in my head to make it ok, to stop that crying and to fix that heart.


It took hours of crying until she calmed down. We had the screamer in the group. When I tried to undress her for bed she wouldn't have it so I let her keep all her grungy, holey, stained clothes in her bed with her. As I took off the final layer I noticed the bump in her sternum, the bone wasn't flat it was raised in the middle. I looked at Andie and we exchanged, "a look". Was this caused by her heart? A heart that was much worse then described in her medical, was it so large it was pushing against the bones causing them to bend around it? Andie had seen it before but couldn't remember much about it, I wonder now if that was the truth or if she didn't want to concern me.

Her first night was hard, we snuggled but she sobbed every now and again, a big heart breaking sob. The child had some of the biggest saddest tears I have ever seen. They fell in puddles. Lily adored her sister and fed her for the first time. It didn't go well Rosie only wanted me. And so it began.

To my darling Pickle
I knew before I even saw you how much I loved you. The moment I saw you, that love was solidified. You took a little longer to warm up. At first I was your wingman, I made you feel better, safe-ish and cared for. I handled your needs and I was starting to be your, "go to" person but you kept me at a distance. It was many months before you let down your guard, it was following your surgery and then you let me in and loved in return. Now your love is undeniable. To be loved by a child like you is quite an honor. You love like it is going to be gone at any moment. You never miss a hug, kiss or cuddle. You call my name just to check I am within a safe distance, you check on me constantly. It's no longer a needy love but a reassuring one. You truly need me and to some it would be suffocating but I have learnt how to manage it. I see a complete difference in you when you notice me. You become calm, all is right in your world. Little Pickle, I love you with all my heart. I am so thankful that the government of China decided I should be your mummy. Your family loves you and will always love you. You will always have someone that fights for you and as is as loyal as a junkyard dog in your corner.
That terrified little baby is gone and has and is slowly being replaced by someone strong and confident.
Thank you Rosie for allowing me in.
I love you.

greatness

China has a part of my heart. Each time I step on a plane to leave with one of her daughters, a piece of my heart stays behind. Although there are many things that my Western brain cannot fathom, and my western eyes don't want to see there is much much more that I drink up with a thirst hard to quench. China is an ancient land of many peculiar rituals and traits. When so many parts of the world are all starting to blend together and many big cities are so very much alike, China remains distinct in it's differences. The shape of the buildings, the millions of dark haired people, the colour red, everywhere, the language, the hustle and bustle in the cities. the lay of the land. China is awesome and filled with greatness and the greatest part of all, is the Wall.

We were all pretty excited knowing that we were going to walk the Wall and it was hard to be patient as it didn't happen first thing when we arrived. The day finally arrived and we boarded the bus for Ju Yong Pass. I remember feeling a little frustrated when I found out we were going to a jade factory and to the Olympic village before finally getting to the wall. As it turned out we drove passed the Olympic Village as it was nowhere close to completion. We were told how people were told to, "leave now" their apartments so that they could be bulldozed and a brand new interstates built in their place. Some building looked new and clean but it turns out it was a facade and if you looked back in to the complex you could see the other run down buildings that had  not been touched but you really had to look for them. Mind boggling.

The Jade factory was, meh but we bought a couple of things for the girls. I found a sign that made me giggle.

The literal translations make me giggle

And it wasn't just the jade factory the Great Wall offered some pretty funny signage too.

Clear as mud, these signs.

We first started to spot parts of the wall from the bus and it was truly amazing. One thing I didn't expect was the tourist crap that was everywhere. Sadly most of the stuff for sale at these places was all for the Olympics and not the stuff you would hope to find.

It looks so western.

part of the wall

Clearly this photo is out of order as this was our first glimpse from the bus.

Lily

Cousin Andie and some fabulously fit old chap'

One of my favourite photos of all time.

I'm ready, lets go

Lily holding our family lock. Once you lock the padlock on to the wall your family will remain intact for ever. sadly even back then I knew my marriage was pants so it's no surprise it didn't work. Add to that the fact that you are meant to toss you key over the wall and we forgot, we were doomed!

Lily was hellbent on getting to the top. Due to all the other gallivanting we had done we didn't have much time there so we had to hurry. The ex wimped out first, sighting a bad everything, next was Andie with her bum knee so that left me to keep up with the oh so agile Lilipop. We made it to the ninth level and were joined again by Andie who refused to be beaten by a 5 yr old. If nothing else, we Minneys are stubborn. It was a day like no other that I have ever had. I have promised the girls we will go back and do it again but this time we will make it to the top. As the day day drew to a close I was one day closer to the Pickle.

that touristy thing

Having Andie with us made this trip so much fun. The first time we travelled I didn't want to go to Beijing I didn't want to go anywhere other than Lilys province and have her placed in my arms. This time things were different, I knew our agency was fabulous and that I didn't have to worry about a thing, I knew there would be a baby for me and so on and so on. So when we knew Andie was coming for sure we knew we were heading to Beijing for a few days. We were meant to be in Shanghai for a day but that whole aircraft snafu put the kibosh on that.

Our tour guide was lovely and really really good. When we woke up we had a nice slow breakfast and then met up with Jade to head to Tian 'anamen Square the Forbidden Palace. It was surreal being their. Standing in the Square staring at Mao's face was a moment in my life I will never forget. It was so so so cold and that made our tour quite fast paced as we wanted to get somewhere with some shelter.

OMG, I am in China

99% of China was under construction in 08 as they prepared for the games.

Massive slab of marble all hand carved. The entire thing is one piece

I just really liked all the stuff like this

breathtaking

Mushu. 

Once our tour was complete we went to lunch. I sat and looked at all the food that still had eyeballs and or feet. I am not an adventurous eater. But honestly we were taken to some amazing restaurants and Andie was more than happy to try the local cuisine. Lily impressed me with her willingness to try things.

That afternoon we hailed a cab in a very brazen move and headed out on our own to the Beijing Zoo. Cab rides in China are amazing, not in a wow this is luxurious and safe but in the other way. Holy Sh*t let me take life into my own hands, that kind of way. No speed limits, no seat belts and definitely no kiddie seats. Andie, Lily and I would sit in the back and giggle the entire time. But in all fairness we only had one accident. ~truth.

The zoo was hard to handle as many of the animals had cages, tiny tiny cages. It seems that the only animal given any care is the Giant Panda. Rather than share photos of deplorable conditions I will share some of the hilarious signs we saw there.

I hate it when suddenness happens

Just another Courist Trap

Ok, so I'll crawl over carefully and not leap

who knows but i bet it would translate badly

This makes me laugh, the child is frozen and she wanted her photo taken in front of the frozen lake.

Warming up in our room. As you can see we were up pretty high

We ventured out alone every afternoon and every night. Night was tough as we were freezing cold but we always went somewhere and had dinner and it wasn't the infamous night market

getting closer to Ro

After 2 rather long travel days  and a very long day of killing time in Paris with a man that refused to leave the airport we finally arrived at Shanghai airport and had only a short amount of time to meet our connecting flight to Beijing. The customs area was jam packed and we slowly inched our way towards an inspector with time ticking furiously away. We got the inspector from hell. Every single question known to man: why are you here if you are going to Beijing? Why have you been to China before? ( uh Sparky do you not see our daughter?) Why are you going to Guangzhou? I don't recall what I said but I remember pulling our itinerary out of my bag and showing her and she just said, Oh, and stamped us in. By this time the customs area was EMPTY, honestly. It was a ghost town and we had to run to try and get to the gate for our next flight. As we headed towards, baggage claim, we saw only one elderly couple, again the place was deserted and then to our horror we realized the elderly coople were walking away with our luggage loaded on their cart. We accosted  talked to them in hand and arm gestures and retrieved our luggage and continued on at warped speed.

Our luggage cart was piled so high and we put Lily on top of it, told her to hang on and ran. Thankfully from her vantage point she could see where we were going and was able to spot the gate number before us. The airport was packed. Once we arrived at the gate no one was there, at all. We decided to walk through as it was our only chance of getting on the flight, or getting thrown in jail. Someone met us and ran us to the train. Now we had to take a train. Oh well we made it.

There were loads of soldiers on the train and an old lady (clothing police) who chastised me for the fact that in the frigid temperatures Lily was not wearing a jacket. (she had just taken it off because due to all the excitement and running she was sweating.)  As we were riding the train a 5 star general from the red army, who was flanked by his inferiors, summoned Lily to sit on his lap. It really really bothered me. Bizarre thoughts ran through my head, what if he is Chester Chester child molester, what is he decides to keep her, all these stupid thoughts. Obviously nothing happened and we made it on the connecting flight to Beijing.

Finally the last leg of that journey. We landed in Beijing just minutes before Andie arrived from England. Our guide, Jade, swooped us into a bus and then just as her and I were about to go look for Andie, she appeared. And with that Lily fell fast asleep and we made our way to the Novatel Peace Hotel.

We layed low for a couple of hours and then decided to head out and find some dinner. We lasted about 20 minutes in the cold cold temperatures and headed back o the room to order room service. 2008 had the coldest winter in over 100 yrs and we were lucky enough to be there then. We would see snow for sure.

Zonked. It must have been a long couple of days her socks were black and she had a complete costume change in Paris,

We had only been there a couple of hours and already the locals were showing up for photos with the weird looking people. 

Beijing was brightly decorated for not only Chinese New year but also the upcoming Olympics. Such a great time to travel.

I am so glad I have such an amazing memory as none of this stuff was written down in the original post.

on this day

Seven years ago today we were up very very early and headed out to  Miami International Airport ready to start another life changing trip. In tow was one very very excited 5 yr old.

Out flight from Miami to Chicago was meant to leave at 6, we boarded the plane and their we sat for an hour until that flight was put out of service. WAHHH. Due to the long delay we would have missed our connection in Chicago for Shanghai so we were in a spot of bother. I spoke to the airline employee, even though the other adult in the household worked for that airline, he was way to stressed to deal with it so I got everything back on track and we headed home again, a little deflated.

Twelve hours later we headed back to the airport and boarded a plane for Paris. Not the most direct route to China but one that I truly recommend as all the flights are so much shorter.

Finally we were on our way to this little person.

This photo reminded me of something: in all the photos we had and in the videos we received we never saw Rosies fist open on one hand and were not sure if it was stuck in a fist.

and after many, many hours of travelling the other one looked a little beat.

Are we there yet?

Join me again in a couple of days as I revisit Shanghai, Beijing and Guangzhou.