a day with my big

Lily has an assignment due for art class in college and in order to be able to do it she needed to visit an art museum. Today we checked that of of her list and her and I had a really lovely day together.

I didn't take my camera as I assumed that no photos would be the order of the day. I was wrong, the only exhibit that was camera restricted was the Picasso gallery.

Perez Art Museum of Miami. PAMM

First you must goof around in the car wash display.

this.

I ♥️♥️♥️this shot of my big. 

crazy right?

so many tiny details. Must have been one helluva night before. hah

I could have spent hours just looking

this is off to the left 

genius

and this just as you walk into the collection

this looks curved from this angle but its a flat piece on a wall.

this look Holocaust-ish and very grim. Yet at the same time a certain whimsy came from it

because why not?

eye catching

I looked at this from across the room and said to Lily, hah, welcome to the 80's. She went and looked and said, mum you were right. Well hell yes, every Coconut Grove art show back them had this stuff. 

My absolute favourite installment.

fun

there were so many people traipsing through that I laid my phone in the floor and took whatever was above.

Hew Locke is the artist and it's time for me to find more of his work.

Truly a fun and giggly afternoon with Lily. Tomorrow I turn myself over to the Little as she has a science fair project due...gag gag gag. I need to drive her all over town gathering her samples.

lifes most significant moment

When I close my eyes I can transport my mind back 15 years, with perfect clarity.

Every last detail is as alive and raw as it was, 15 years ago today. The nerves, jitters, guarded excitement, and the love. The love has grown exponentially.

I didn't sleep much the night before, partly because of the time difference but mainly because I was a hot mess of what if's. I got up and went downstairs for coffee, who the hell could eat with a day ahead as gargantuan as mine?  Many of the families were still arriving and our room turned into operation baby day and was a hub of activity.  Families we had been in touch with through conference calls from our agency and through emails. Some we had got to know quite well and others we knew nothing about but here we were all gathering in a hotel room in Wuhan China  and all with one thing on our mind, 2 o'clock and being downstairs and waiting for the bus.

And just like that it happened, it was time.  I have never been so nervous and excited at the same time, there really does need to be one word for this emotion.  As the bus drew closer the the Civil Affairs Office you could have heard a pin drop. 12 families that were so lively just an hour before were all feeling the magnitude of the moment

 The bus stopped and we walked towards a building. A modern high rise, which seemed like a weird place to me, so very un-Chinese. We couldn't all fit in one lift so we took two and as soon as we stepped out 2 things struck me, the oppressive heat and the sound of babies.  I must have chanted in my head, please let her be here, please let her be here, over and over. I had been trying to prepare for the moment when the Chinese officials called my name and said, no baby for you, we changed our minds. That room was hot. Wuhan is known as one of the 4 furnaces of China and it wasn't about to disappoint. We had had daily temperatures well over the hundreds, one day it was 111 degrees and the top was 116. No A/C and a bag of nerves made things HOT.

No time to focus on that, the room was suddenly bustling and our guide told us the babies were being brought in. I wanted to puke I was absolutely terrified I would leave with empty arms. 

An official started to talk and then Kathy, our guide, would translate to English. The lady didn't stop talking and I couldn't concentrate. I remember trying so hard to listen but I would hear 2 words and check out over and over. Please stop talking please just tell me, is there a baby for us, for me?

And then in they came, being carried by their Ayi's. I scanned the crowd for her face, some many little ones, so many nannies, where was she? And then I saw her face.

JacobDawnCope, one word. We were called to the front and handed Li Yu Ni. She was mine. My heart was complete in that one moment, she was mine forever. This child that was born in my heart and had taken so many years to appear in front of me was right there. She was handed to the unhusband and I wanted to grab her but I knew I would scare her even more. 

As my world pivoted to the right way up, hers went crashing to the ground. Handed to a complete stranger who looked so different, smelled so different and sounded so different she panicked and started to cry and the cry turned to sobs as she whipped her head from right to left to find out where her people had gone. But we were her people now and she had no idea what to do. I kissed my finger and ran it down her cheek, I wanted to smother her in kisses but knew it would just upset her more. She was in my arms and I could feel her tiny heart beating out of her chest in fear, I could smell her for the first time and feel her. It was without a doubt the best moment of my entire life up to that point. Time stood still and baby after baby was handed over but I knew nothing. I wanted to run up to the roof and scream, I have a daughter, I am a MUMMY, do you hear me? 

And just like that we were going back down in the lift and back to the bus. 

I was a parent to one hot sticky little girl who was terrified and crying but still the most amazing perfect child in the world. She fell asleep on the bus and didn't wake up until long after she was in the hotel room. She looked around, appeared to think, oh no, this isn't a dream it is really happening and burst into tears.   This time she was consolable and at the moment my girl started to emerge, show her personality and her likes and dislikes. 

I found a pay phone and called my father and said, Daddy, we have her and she is absolutely beautiful and he said, of course she is she is one of us.  ( just writing that makes me cry)

I walked on air, nervously but on air for hours. 

Lily Yu Ni Cope, I love you more that you will ever know, I admire you, the person you have become. You are tenacious and vocal, those traits never changed. You are fiercely loyal to those you love and an incredibly open minded caring individual. You know what you want and how to get it, you have no time for small minded and petty. Discrimination of any kind sends you spinning. You are so amazingly bright and so absolutely gorgeous. You push my buttons like no one else and you make me laugh until my cheeks hurt. You are the most uncoordinated kid I know and every time you say, but I'm getting so much better we both laugh. Your role as big sister is one that you cherish and take great pride in. You show compassion as if its a fashion trend, don't ever stop. The adjectives attached to you are endless but the description of you I like the most is, you are my daughter. 

I love you kid, thank you for allowing me to be your mum.

To all the other families of the White Rose Club, happy family/gotcha/love Day.  It is an honour to share this day with you and an even bigger honour to have you in our lives. The bond is truly like no other.

And so, in no particular order I share with you my heart.

Guangzhou China, her last day of being an only child

a random shot from Buttefly World.

Family has always been very important to Lily and she adores my brother and his  late partner.

Grandpa. No words needed

Snow...oh the squeals. Boston

Grand Cayman.

Fort Myers

The lighthouse at Bill Baggs

7th grade

Tuanfeng SWI. ( her orphanage ) It's rare to get photos, I am so lucky

Her empty eyes sadden me also at the SWI

her crib.

England this summer

her 13th birthday

grand Cayman

8th grade prom

Harvard Square 2 years ago

Matheson hammock

One of my all time favourite shots. We had been home for 3 months and were starting to venture out. Nicolas is  the son of one of my closest friends. These 2 were quite a pair. 

16

I might be tryin to catch up and I think it might be time to put this old blog to bed.


My girl turned 16. That seems like such a milestone birthday from where I am standing.

There was little fanfare, in fact it was a bust. Not one relative called and I was in the hospital but my girl took it all in her stride, she always does.

She received concert tickets to the final Van's Warped Tour....me either

She recieved a ring from Paris..oo la la

and there was cake, the following day.

The cake on her actualy birthday was nasty so we binned it and tried again the following day.

choclatey goodness

I love these candles, they flames are all different colours and so so pretty. 

update on "the big"

Lily is soaring once again.

Home schooling her was definitely the right choice  and she loves that she can work at her own speed which is a speed that not many would want to go at, think warped speed.

Finding the balance was hard but again, thanks to her old principal Lily has a volunteer position that she loves and a boss that's fun. Lily really didn't want to go back to her old swim team as she really hated the teenage girl drama and bitchiness that surrounded it. So a position on a swim school was the obvious choice where she would work and get paid to help teach the kids proper stroke technique etc but Lily was more concerned about volunteer hours and so is what she does.

For someone that used to detest small people she has grown in leaps and bounds

Now I can boss you around "legit"

instructor......she seems so big

see, that's a smile on her face!! I try and stay far away from it all but Coach asked me to take photos during tri camp.

the child truned 15 so coach nick bought cupcakes for the gang

Happy birthday Coach

bike troubles? No worries, Lily to the rescue

This kids chain KEPT falling off

I'm one lucky mama this kid is an easy kid to parent as long as the challenge is there for her and with the village we have that. thanks again village. xoxoxoxo

the goat

With the swimmer once again swimming, it appears that the moody teenager has been drowned, at least temporarily.   She is back to her happy self. She is loving being back in the pool, even though she said she didn't miss it I think what she didn't miss was the cattiness amongst the girls  at the old club, it was quite ridiculous. The high school team is actually a team.

Girl has always been recognised for her academic strengths but now she is being noticed for her strength in the water too. No bitchy comments because she is better than someone else just recognition for her contribution to the team. She says that people she doesn't now come up to her at school and ask her if she is Lily and then say something nice to her regarding her place on the swim team. She was called a goat lord the other day....yeah, me either but apparently in this day and age its a compliment. 

G=greatest. O=of.  A=all.  T=time  Apparently they were sad sad sad last year. lol 

This compliment was paid to her following a meet where the Bulldogs girl team beat the other girls 114- 53. and in all honestly she had an awful lot to do with it. They remain undefeated but next week could be the end of that as they are up against a school with a lot of her old team mates on.  One day at a time goat lady. 

She still finds it hard to fit in with freshman as she finds them very very immature.  And socially she isn't the best but has worked very hard in the last few weeks to overcome a lot of her unsociable ways. She has no patience at all for stupidity and I can't blame her. My only concern with her hanging out with the older kids now is BOYS! So far she has no interest what so ever. She is going to her first party today. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go...I strongly suggested she did. Once she had made up her mind she even asked if a new bathing suit was a possibility as it's a pool party and it seemed like a fair request so she got one, actually since the whole matching bikini thing doesn't happen anymore she got a new bottom??? I might not have been in such a rush for her to go if the party was at night but its this afternoon.

All in all the she seems so much happier and content. Her work load has picked up exponentially but she still manages it without trouble and when she doesn't have practice and meets everyday it will be easier. That said there is chatter about the next set of activities and what club she should join. Colleges require a well rounded child and that includes clubs too...who knew?

oh that concert

I never posted about lily's birthday present, her night at the concert with friends.

I survived, yay me.

The unhusband picked up Rosie and took her for the evening and I took Lily and 2 friends to see, Panic at the Disco, Weezer and someone else. The venue was Bayfront Amphitheater which even though I don't like the heat I was very happy about as this concert took place a mere 4 days after the singer was shot in Orlando and  the horrendous nightclub massacre in Orlando was only 2 days prior. I felt that being outside gave us a certain freedom. I talked to the girls as we drove to Downtown about what if's and then we parked the car and headed to the venue. There was a certain giddiness in the air and it was sweet.

We arrived early and the lines to enter were already ridiculous. As we snaked our way closer and closer a lady came up to us and said, no backpacks allowed. One of Lily's friends had a small backack. I told her to hand it over and I would happily run back to the car park from where we were but if she waited until we got to the entrance and then had me go back I wouldn't be as chippy. She handed it over and I ran. I kept in touch with the girls by phone and when I got back they had already gone through security.....with my ticket! But they were standing right there and the lady let me though. Apparently someone that looks like me is no threat at all but Lily's friend M is more of a threat and Lily a slight threat, I am judging this based on the pat down they received and the questions asked of them.  I was upset that they didn't wait for me, but no harm done.

It was a lovely evening as we were in the shade thank goodness. The crowd was a mixed bag and I was shocked to see kids Lilys age unaccompanied and also people my age there with no kids at all. Music is strange that way it appeals to the masses.

The concert started and the girls were impressed by the stage and effects etc.

This is where the magic ended for me. I hate loud, heat and crowds and as my friend Fran pointed out, germs, I hate germs but outside makes that more bearable. I crawled as far into my shell as I possibley could and only came out every now and again to see if the kidlets wanted anything.

Observations of an ultraconservative mum:
what the hell is with all the drugs in the world that are being used my young young kids??
I'm not talking weed
There were young kids there that were soooooo wasted on some pretty heavy stuff.
There were adults there with their kids, smoking pot. "scuse me it's still illegal. Don't have a shitfit if they start using it heavily if you are going to smoke with them.
Wasted adults are worse than drunk adults.

When Panic! had finished their set and the stage hands came on set to breakdown and prepare for Weezeer the kids said, we can leave now ( i heard angels sing). I said, but it's not over and they said, oh we don't like Weezer. Say what? now I really heard angels and I skipped out of the venue. Actually I couldn't cos there were too many people. but we weaved our way out and got into our air conditioned car and drove home. The girls were singing but I could barely hear them over the angels singing. I picked up Rosie and we all went home.(and showered)

I had a long talk to Lily again about drugs and it became clear that she is still clueless ( thank you K-8 centre) but that is going to change fast now as she heads into high school. She knows about them but that is about it.

K, Lily and BFF. 

Not too crowded, I can do this

happy girl

Andrew Mcmahon. 

Brendon Urie came out wearing a gay pride flag in solidarity for Orlando and addressed the horrendous event.

For such a small event they really had some decent effects. this was near the end.

As much as I am glad she likes a different type of music I hope we don't have to many more concerts in our future. I will say she was shocked at the noise. she was a little taken back that it was so shocked her chest was vibrating. yes, that.