Tuesday, March 15, 2016

chalk and cheese

the girls are as different as different can be. A bit like Sally and I really. Every single aspect of parenting I acquired with Lily I had to throw out of the window and relearn a different way of doing things  with Rosie.

By the time Lily was 6 she was, to put it rather callously, over China and all things China related. As she has grown older her interest in finding her bio parents has also waned. She is one strong independent kiddo who knows who she is, where she is and what she wants in this life. She is all about where she is going and not where she is from. That is just her.

Rosie  is not that way at all.  From the very first mention of birth parents, when it was something that she could actually conceptualize she was all about going to China and finding her birth mother.  I told her the same exact thing thing I told Lily. I will do everything in my power to find her but you have to understand something, it might not ever be possible. I meant every single word of it.

She asks more and more frequently about them, she yearns for answers that I do not have, that we might not ever have. I can't imagine not knowing where I got my skinny from, why I am such a picky fricking eater, was it dads side or mums? Don't brush it under the rug cos really, it must be a huge hole. It doesn't alter how loved I am, it has nothing to do with me.

She has had 3 late nights and last night when she should have been asleep she was quietly crying, the tears I know were induced from being so tired but they were so sad. Mummy, what if I never see her, what if I never know what she looks like?

That was it.

This morning I set to work and found 2 people who search, it will involve a fee but they both have good reputations. Searches like this come with possible ramifications and those she isn't mature enough to handle yet. But now I can tell her we can try when she is bigger because I know where to start. I have a lot of good information on her so hopefully, if it is truthful, we have a good basis. If I start it soon we might get some answers.

In the meantime I shall take her back and do a heritage tour. I will do it as soon as possible.  Lily doesn't care about going back again. As for finding her birth family her response was typical Lily: does it really matter whose vagina you came out of, cos that's what it comes down to?

That child.


  1. Very different indeed! I hope Rosie gets the answers her sweet heart yearns for. You are a wonderful mother to support her in this.

  2. It took me until I was in my thirties to finally pluck up the courage to seek out information about my birth father.And the more I learned the more shocked i was. made me realise what my mother went through and how she had the courage to lift both your sister andI away from a bully, despite then being a single mum with two kids to bring up on her own.
    I suppose I am saying that my search was so upsetting. Now in my late fifties I still at times have more questions than answers;that now, could never be resolved.

  3. You will do your best because that's what a mother does for her kids.....hopefully it will bring her some peace.

  4. Briana used to be curious about her birth parents but like Lily, she doesn't really think about it much now. I did a search a few years ago to find Bri's foster parents and did find them. I got some answers about Bri's first year of life which was wonderful. They kept in touch for a short time and then stopped responding to me. One day, I might consider a birth family search if Bri wants it. I definitely hope Rosie gets some much needed answers!