chalk and cheese

the girls are as different as different can be. A bit like Sally and I really. Every single aspect of parenting I acquired with Lily I had to throw out of the window and relearn a different way of doing things  with Rosie.

By the time Lily was 6 she was, to put it rather callously, over China and all things China related. As she has grown older her interest in finding her bio parents has also waned. She is one strong independent kiddo who knows who she is, where she is and what she wants in this life. She is all about where she is going and not where she is from. That is just her.

Rosie  is not that way at all.  From the very first mention of birth parents, when it was something that she could actually conceptualize she was all about going to China and finding her birth mother.  I told her the same exact thing thing I told Lily. I will do everything in my power to find her but you have to understand something, it might not ever be possible. I meant every single word of it.

She asks more and more frequently about them, she yearns for answers that I do not have, that we might not ever have. I can't imagine not knowing where I got my skinny from, why I am such a picky fricking eater, was it dads side or mums? Don't brush it under the rug cos really, it must be a huge hole. It doesn't alter how loved I am, it has nothing to do with me.

She has had 3 late nights and last night when she should have been asleep she was quietly crying, the tears I know were induced from being so tired but they were so sad. Mummy, what if I never see her, what if I never know what she looks like?

That was it.

This morning I set to work and found 2 people who search, it will involve a fee but they both have good reputations. Searches like this come with possible ramifications and those she isn't mature enough to handle yet. But now I can tell her we can try when she is bigger because I know where to start. I have a lot of good information on her so hopefully, if it is truthful, we have a good basis. If I start it soon we might get some answers.

In the meantime I shall take her back and do a heritage tour. I will do it as soon as possible.  Lily doesn't care about going back again. As for finding her birth family her response was typical Lily: does it really matter whose vagina you came out of, cos that's what it comes down to?

That child.

unknowns

This morning shortly after I awoke the BBC alerted my phone of a breaking news story.

The Chinese Government has finally changed it's one child policy. I read it and gasped. I wasn't sure what it meant to me at that very second but I knew that it was huge and I found myself apologizing to two particular birthmothers whom, had this law changed sooner, might still have their daughters with them.

I wasn't sure how much, if at all, this would effect me.

My mind has bounced around all day hitting many emotions but I have yet to land on one that seems to fit. The magnitude of it all is at the forefront of all my thoughts but why? Will it really change anything? China is still a country steeped in 1000's of years of culture and tradition, it is still run by a communist government. Money is scarce and 2 children will make life even harder. Boys will still be the golden children and girls a sorry second best

Although I don't know the surroundings of either of the girls births and subsequent reasons for adoptions I believe it is very possible that the one child policy had something to do with it. Possibly with Rosie the overwhelming medical bills due to her heart condition may also have played into the equation. Had this law changed sooner both girls might still be in China.

How was I going to tell them. That was simple, I blurted it out. I didn't mean to, I meant to use tact and feel them out first but it just spewed out. Lily said, Oh and carried on with her breakfast and Ro looked perplexed and asked a question about her birth mum and was done.

At one point I actually felt guilty for having them here with me, I felt like I had cheated the birth parents. As with most things, as the dust startled to settle, I realised, for our family, nothing changed, No shoe dropped and no one purchased tickets home. Not all families are going to be so lucky, many kiddoes struggle with their stories and this will not make life easier for them.

I hope that soon, DNA banks will open and the possibility of uniting birth parents and children becomes the norm. One of mine has no interest, the other does, but not to live there Mama, just to know.

So as my day winds down, my heart aches for women who possibly are even more heart broken and angry today than ever before.

I will always remain grateful to the Peoples Repbulic and will always remain puzzled by it.