I can't believe that it has been 12 years. I can honestly remember every moment of that day. Every electrical second. I can still feel the heat, smell the smells, it is so strange but in many ways I came alive that day. Nothing has been the same since then and nothing will ever be again.
My heart now walks around outside of my body, my tear ducts spew liquid, frequently. I know what it means to love with abandon and be loved. I do all the things I said I would NEVER do when I was a mum. I have done things so nasty and disgusting that even I am horrified but you have to do what you have to do. I NEVER thought the inside of the bottom of my shirt could make an emergency hankie, but it did. Thanks kid!
Today I looked back at our first moments together. I see so many of her traits even then but now they are full fledged opinions, with even more determination. She hasn't changed but yet not one ounce of her is the same. If I could have her back at 14 months for just an hour I would scoop her into my arms, smell her, hug and squeeze her, kiss her all over and breathe in every second of her tininess. It goes so fast. So so fast. She was so tiny and I swear I must have blinked because in that short of a span she has grown up.
Her soul is old, it always has been but now I see where it will guide her.
She has recently, very recently started talking about careers. This bothered her for a long time as she had NO idea what she wanted to do and all her friends did. We are looking at high schools? How can it be. High schools with Bio Medical programs so that she can start her degree. her path into life is taking on more meaning and direction.
Boys are still out of the picture. Studying, good grades and reaching her goals are what drive her.
If I told you I was proud of her I would be lieing. Proud doesn't come close to how I feel.
She has made it through 12 years of life with me and in spite of me.
Oh how I love her.
Here are the many faces of my heart in no particular order.
|Shamian Island, China|
|One of my favourite photos of her, ever.|
|leaving her homeland|
|Ignore me, I obviously had something to say. Beijing China at the Great Wall|
|Her favourite person, her grandpa. It's blurred|
|She takes her role as big sister very seriously and is a fierce protector and loyal fan.|