Friday, January 2, 2015

i'm owning it and me

I am frequently saddened by the entitlement generation, the me me me's, the, I want it all and I want it now, the, I shouldn't have to work for it I should just get it.
Urghh, how revolting are these people?

That being said, this year is all about me, Me discovering me, Me liking me, that one is tough, and Me owning me, all of me.

No one is going to drag me down, belittle me or take away the me of me.

I have gained so much in the last few months, I gave up smoking nearly three years ago but transferred the addiction to Nicotine gum and chewed that for 3 years. Non. freaking. stop. I chain chewed in the words of my seester. I knew i had to stop so I switched to the patch, Hah, who was I fooling? But I have uber sensitive skin and the patch removed it from my body. Big sores appeared where my skin used to be. 3 days of that and I was done. BUT....

But I have an addictive personality so I transferred my addiction to plain old gum. So many pieces a day. Rosie has a gumball machine and I emptied it, twice. WAH. ENOUGH.

I had to take back my life, I had to gain freedom from this shit. I worked too hard with Dr. Su to watch it all go poof. I needed to quit the diet soda to. I took a deep breath and just did it.

Now the hardest part of all is watching my weight increase. I have to say that it is nice to have a shape and not go straight up and down. It is nice to have boobs, yes, I really did say that. But the extraneous pounds hovering around my waist are making me queasy. But they are mine and dammit I have to learn to own them. I don't have to listen to criticism anymore and that is freeing enough.

Since I have taken ownership of every other aspect of my life now it is time to embrace and love me. I'm going out for a run but this excitable personality of mine needs to realise that it is just a little trot and not my next addiction. sigh. I will not turn into an exercise freak again, I've done it before. 600+ sit ups a day.

I am aware at this point in my life of how my brain is wired. This last chapter was filled with criticism which resulted in me taking it all so personally.

As much as I have gained so much freedom from all the things that held me hostage I'm still a little shaky. I don't want to gain weight, it's an obsession with me but I have let go of so many others hang ups I need to learn to like the new me. At least accept it until I can change it.

Wish me luck

my sneakers are at the front door and we are outta here.


  1. I wish you a year of balance and happiness. You deserve it!

  2. After quitting smoking 25+ years ago I became addicted to exercise as I didn't like the extra poundage. I also am never without a gum in my mouth but only little pieces(I divide a full stick into 3). My other addition is coffee.....which I will never give up! However about 10 years ago I found a new addiction & it's very simple. Eat healthy & exercise but in works! You will not miss the diet soda when you get used to drinking lots of water. Your body will thank you!

  3. I hope you learn to accept and love yourself as much as (and more than) those of us that love you just the way you are do. I just know you can do anything you set your mind to do. This is definitely your year!!

  4. I have an addictive personality too - too much food, computer time, television, etc. I really want to work on all of that this year. But like you, I would like to try to be happy with just who I am. That's something I need to work on too. Good luck to you!