school shooting

I like to think of this blog as a place where I store all the girls memories, the fun times we've had, the milestones we pass, the events we check off  and occasionally it's a place for my thoughts and life moments.

On Wednesday, Valentines Day, there was yet another school shooting in this country, the 18th so far this year. Just to help you wrap your head around that, it's 18 shootings in schools in 45 days!  This time 17 children never made it home. Although very much the same as all the others in as much as it is terrifying and heart breaking, this one was a little bit different, it was 40 mins from here. Shortly after it happened my friends were posting photos on social media asking for people to keep an eye out for this child or that child as they were missing and hadn't been heard from since the shooting at MSD High. It was chaos, absolute bone chilling chaos and it would be easy to lose your phone and you obviously can't talk when locked in a closet or whilst being marched with your hands in the air by the police, across the campus so these parents held on to hope but of the 5 photos I saw, I later saw them all on the news, DEAD. These young smiling faces were no more, their light extinguished at the hands of a murderer with a semi automatic weapon.

I am not a gun lover, I don't like them at all. My father had guns and I grew up surrounded by them but he shot clay pigeons and the occasional pheasant and rabbit. I knew there were loaded guns in the house and I knew never to touch them. Guns in my house were not for murdering other human beings they were for sport, and I use that term lightly.

On Thursday my first client of the day was firstly a family member of a little boy who spent 70 minutes on lock down hiding behind the trash can and surrounded by book bags to try and shield him, secondly he is a man who started as a teacher and worked his way up to Superintendent of Miami Dade Schools. His perspective was really interesting as he has been on both sides of the fence and as I would ask questions and offer suggestions we would tell me why it wouldn't work, been there done that, or a myriad of other reasons.  But the bottom line is this........

SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE.

The gun argument is wasted on me, you do not need semi automatics and automatics, no one needs these. The constitution was written, including the second amendment, when people carried bayonets so it is now null and void. This current administration recently made it possible for people with mental illness to buy a gun. I could go on a complete detour about the current President but I won't but he ranks right up there with guns in my mind.

I shield Rosie from some stuff and only feed it to her in dribs and drabs so as not to scare the bejeezus out of her. This one we discussed at length. The Superintendent called with a recording later that night and said he was making sure that in this district we would have more police and more security guards in every school, starting the next day.

How am I supposed to let her know she will be safe when I send her to school when this KEEPS happening. I dropped her on Thursday and she said, I don't see the police Mummy, I said perhaps they were at the main entrance and she was fine with it. When I picked her up the teacher had spoken to them all at length and they practiced their drills. ( seriously they have to have drills for being gunned down by a mad man in school now)

Social media is full of ideas, full of suggestions to keep our children safe but for me I'm stepping it up. I had seen a few posts regarding bullet proof back packs and so I researched them and then, with a heart that is heavy because really it's too hard to fathom that this is even a possibility, I ordered her one.

If you do own an automatic weapon, I beg that you please consider turning it in. Keep your hand gun, if you must but you DO NOT need an AR-15 and the like.
Don't wait until this gets this close to your home.

travel long and travel far Mr C

The girls and I spent a really lovely day yesterday and for a very long time in the afternoon my seester and I chatted on skype, she had just come back from Cambridge where she visited Jon and Colin. He was poory but still hanging on and wanting to go back home and leave hospice, it was decided this was the plan even if it meant Colin would do it. We joked that he would go in the Cambridge Dog Walker van.

My brother is coping, his house was a disaster so Sally cleaned it for him and tidied up. We chatted and laughed and then I had to go as the girls were meeting friends from swimming for dinner.

We arrived home to a message, the inevitable news about Jon. My heart truly breaks for Colin. they were the yin to the yang the tick to the tock. They have so many friends so so so many friends some incredible people that I know will step in and carry him through this but I am worried. The loss he has suffered is gargantuan. The outpouring of love on facebook is  amazing to see and I know in person it will be no different.

RIP in Coe. you were a very good man. one of your friends wrote these words about you that sum it all up the best, if love could heal Jon would be running marathons.

And later, much later last night, I glanced at the clock and realised it had stopped, it stopped at the same time Jon did. Well he was a magician after all. You cheeky bloody devil.

just like that

Three weeks ago this Sunday the girls and I went to visit one of my clients under the guise of seeing her puppy. Now I have to say that when you do the work I do it is very very personal and clients share a lot. A lot. Over 15 years this lady and I have gone through many things together. I always joke with her that I should have hit the ground running the first time I set eyes on her as nothing about her care has been textbook. NOTHING.

I knew that the Sunday text to come over was out of character. I was busy painting the banister and the kids were doing stuff also. I packed everything up, leapt into the shower and took off. She hadn't been feeling well for a few weeks. I still have the text from me to her that says, "ok enough. please make an appt to see dr." She had seen the doctor the Thursday before and when I got to her she wanted me to read her MRI results.

They weren't good, at all. My girls and her daughter went for a walk with the puppy to keep my girls out of the loop. Her and I sat on her bed and read the report word for word. After a couple of hours the girls and I left and I went back the next morning for her appointment. Things were different. She was nauseous and positioning awkward at best. We made arrangements for the usual follow up appointment on Weds but It didn't happen.

I received this text the next day: don't come. In ER. cancer.  breast. liver. bone.

And just like that life changes. BAM

It takes the wind out of your sails.

I went to see her on Monday. 2 weeks after seeing her in her home and I pushed her wheel chair down into the garden so she could get some sun on her face to help with the serious case of jaundice. We talked about serious things and we did what we do which is laugh and make light. We ditched her dad for a few minutes at her request so that she could breath.

53 years old and in a fight for her life. She is in one of the best cancer hospitals around. She has a team of doctors on 3 continents working and researching. Each day the news gets a little grimmer. The list now includes blood and lymph HOWEVER it isn't over. This fight isn't lost. Cancer research is changing daily. When you have access to the best you have a much better chance. It isn't going to be easy and she knows this.   Chemo 3 times a day is hard on a body and she is paying that price.

I received a call from her Mum this morning, "S needs you, she feels like hell".  And so it has begun. Constant trips to one of the most sobering places on earth. A hospital that changes lives. A place where  no one is immune and bald heads are the norm. Shuffling instead of walking, sipping instead of gulping. People shy away when the diagnosis is that of cancer, they withdraw. Don't withdraw. offer a smile and a hand. I make sure from the second I drop my car with the valet that I SPREAD the biggest smile on my face and put a bounce in my step. I tone it down in her room but I keep it positive.


Life can change in an instant. Her life is changing every second. Her kids have this look on their faces of fear and it isn't skin deep. I hug them and thell them to call me if they need anything. Of course what they need, a healthy mummy, isn't something I can do.

"S" is the CEO of a company. She is on the top of her game, always. Nothing gets by her.

One little detail that she overlooked. Her mammogram.

No point in telling her how stupid that was, I think she might have figured it out. Don't skip your mammos ladies. It truly isn't worth it.