Saturday, October 29, 2016

sometimes i make myself laugh

It's no secret that I have a sense of humour. My dad says he keeps me around because I'm funny, well kid you don't drink but you are funny so I'll keep you around.

On Thursday evening big child swam in Regionals, a big deal for a 9th grader, actually a big deal for high school sports and I encountered one of those people that likes to carry out THE rules. As with all things in my life I approached her with a smile and humour, alas she was having neither and earnt the moniker, from another mum, of the gate nazi, which nearly made me spit out my water.

The competition was almost 2 hours north of here and held at 5. Warm ups started at 3 and Lily was leaving school with her team at 10? Yeah I have no idea but go for it team. Now I have another kidlet to consider, one who gets out at 3:10 so it would be cutting it close but they way I drive, no problem.  As it turns out said child woke up on Thursday morning with her eyeball welded shut so wasn't able to go to school as they frown on highly contagious things in school. Quick call in to the pediatrician and that was sorted.

We left around 2.30 and arrived at the facility 90 mins later. I paid our entrance fee and saw they were selling shirts. First time at Regionals deserves a shirt. But where oh where was the swimmer. I sent her a text but of course, she doesn't keep her phone in her bathing suit pocket. The swimmers and spectators we separated by a divider, which I would like to add, divided us from the loos, yes it did. 90 minutes in the car, drinking water all the time and no place to pee...oh across the street is a shopping centre???!! Say effing what.

Back to finding the swimmer. So we walk around the outside of the pool. I can see the Braddock team so I go to that area of the fence and that is where I encounter her. She doesn't look like an alien, at all. As we approach:

Gate Nazi: swimmers only, parents and friends must use the other gate.

Me: Oh, I'm not swimming, I forgot my Speedo, thankfully. You wouldn't want to see that!

GN: You CANNOT go in here

Me: Oh. I'm not going in, I'm looking for my kid, oddly enough she isn't answering her phone whilst in the pool.

GN: I only have 2 rules and I am very good at them.

Me: I'm sorry, what?

GN: You cannot go in.

Me: It's OK, I do not want to go in, I am just looking for my daughter. I want to ask her a question? But I won't go in, I'll wave her over and ask her through the fence or maybe when she sees me she'll come out. she's polite like that.

GN. I have 2 rules and one is swimmers only in this gate.

Me: totally ignoring this woman and spotting a team member? Keegan, can you ask Lily to come out PLEASE?

Me to the's a good thing you haven't got 3 rules your head would implode. good day.

Sheesh, what is with people. I never did find out what her other rule was. Thankfully I never broke it. I might have been thrown to the ground.

As we walked back to the general public gate we bumped in to some friends from Lily's old club. one was just arriving and another had previously encountered the  GN. The one arriving is a federal agent who needed to find her swimmer. We wished her good luck and explained, she said some times its handy to have creds. We asked if we could watch. The GN would be in a terrible pickle in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, bingo. Feds don't abuse their power though, only gate Nazis do, ha ha ha.

The rest of the night was uneventful. The facility was sadly much to small to handle a meet of this size. Rosie and I sat outside and went on to the deck only for Lily's events. The boards malfunctioned quite a few times dashing the chances of swimmers who at the finish line were heading to States but suddenly were now in third place. My girl did OK as did the Bulldogs. It's a sad way to end a season. But we had a damned good laugh. NExt year I think I'll take my suit, I s=have one from when I did my training for coach. Holy smoke it would be hilarious.

I'll post a separate post about the swimming. The Gate Nazi and her 2 rules deserved a post of her own.


  1. The comment "only 2 rules & I'm good at them" did me in๐Ÿ˜œ Ca you her having "real power" lordy, lordy!

  2. LOL! Your response was awesome. That woman doesn't have much going on in her life if guarding a gate is so dang important to her!